A warrior in public service may have many colleagues, but it is natural to develop friendships with warriors who are brave, just, intelligent, and influential. There are not so many warriors like that, so if there is even one who also associates with your other friends, he can be a big help in a time of need.
Generally speaking, it is inappropriate for warriors to fail to be selective about their friendships, becoming familiar with anyone at all, drinking and dining together, exchanging frequent visits. Let me explain.
Warriors can become close friends only when they see into each other’s hearts. Warriors are not to associate casually just for a good time or a congenial conversation. If they totally lose their sense of decorum, behaving familiarly, passing nights singing, if they should feel they are on such good terms that they get to talk carelessly, they may wind up alienated, no longer speaking. With no one to reconcile them, they may eventually shrug it off, without the pride to set things straight. Their outer appearance may be that of warriors, but their psychology is that of common laborers. One should beware of this.
Code Of The Samurai | taira shigesuke
A Friend Without Honor Is An Enemy
Do not become friends with those nearby out of convenience. Anyone that comes quickly to your life is someone that will leave easy too.
The people who seek friends are usually those who have little value or have a fear of being alone. The low-hanging fruit of social networking. The man who goes to every marketing convention to hand out his business card like a child selling newspapers. He’s loud, and everyone is a customer.
Sitting alone at the lunch table praying the kings & queens of High School will bless him with a glance.
It’s fundamental to your future to have worthy colleagues. It’s not okay to have many friends. The traits worthy in a friend are too rare to have hundreds of them.
Brave, Just, Intelligent and influential.
These are not common characteristics. These are traits that you develop through a life of challenge. Challenge, being the monster in the closet of every average person who fears to be late to events that don’t matter.
Becoming familiar with colleagues or friends with honor is a vulnerability that will cost you. The more someone knows about you, the more power they have over you. Think of a politician caught in a sex scandal then blackmailed. Information & knowledge is power.
Dishonorable friends and colleagues are portholes in your ship with no cannon to protect the vulnerabilities. They have knowledge to use against you.
Think police interactions. If you get arrested: “everything you say can and will be used against you.“
Speaking too much isn’t just true in police interactions, this is a commandment of life.
If you tell all your friends you’re a professional surfer; no one will care unless they can use it against you. Tell your friends something embarrassing about yourself, and see how rapidly it spreads.
Nothing you say is for your benefit.
Yet, everything you do can be used for your benefit.
Instead of talking about it, be about it.
Talking takes away time you can use to be an individual of action as well.
Talking too much isn’t worth it and will be more often used against you.
The office colleague who remembers what you said when you were drunk about another employee and wanted a raise.
A friend attracted to your significant other, and knows what time she gets out of class because of your mouth.
The more someone knows about you, the more power they have over you.
How To Choose Friends
Brave, Just, intelligent and influential. If a person lacks even one, he is a colleague. Or no one to you.
A chair with three legs won’t support you.
Neither will:
- A brave, just, intelligent nobody.
- An intellectual coward.
- A just man with no intelligence to apply it.
Below are the traits that make a worthy friend.
Brave
Being brave is being a man of action.
Bravery is the difference between slaying a dragon and telling the man who slew it you could have done it if you’re ankle didn’t hurt today. The man who talks instead of walks.
Don’t listen to someone’s words, look at their actions. If someone needs to lose weight, they shouldn’t be speaking about it. If they’re brave, they’ll start losing weight without having to discuss it with seventeen others first.
They do what needs to be done, silent and ambitious.
What has someone done with their life? Watching motivational videos isn’t being brave. Being the man in the motivational video, climbing Mt Everest in an attempt to touch the hand of God is.
What have they done that’s difficult?
Have they traveled?
Do they train in a martial art?
Are they published in any important papers?
If you can’t see any acts of bravery in a colleague, what’s left is cowardice.
Just
It may seem cute if your friends call each other names, but it’s blatant disrespect. If you cannot respect your circle, who can you trust? If your circle questions and disrespects you for the sake of it, who will support you? Not them.
There is a big difference between disrespect and being fraternal with your friends. Pay attention to tone and body language. Again, look at the action, not the words.
If a friend would steal from another, he’d take from you. There is no justice among someone who would take from an unsuspecting person. They value items over people, over influence. These are individuals with a scarcity mindset who believe the only way for them to get what they want is to take it from someone else.
They will take from you.
A man without honor isn’t a man or even a boy. Not a woman either. A man without honor is… nothing.
Intelligent
Are they skilled?
Intelligence doesn’t mean being a geek or spending all your days in the library creating an army of robots to fight jocks for you.
Intelligence is a synonym for skill.
There are many different types of intelligence.
People love professional athletes because of their knowledge in football. A professional athlete will play his sport better than you. He is more intelligent in his game than you are.
A friend with no intelligence is a child that still needs a mother. Without life skills, you will become the mother to your buddies, and they will depend on you. They rely on you because they cannot count on themselves.
You want friends that can depend on themselves, while also adding value to your life that you don’t have.
If you know nothing about cars, having a friend that’s an auto technician will be of great value to you. If, you can provide an equal intelligence value back to them.
Losers want to hang out with winners to extract value from them.
Losers hang out with losers, so they aren’t reminded of their meager value.
Winners don’t hang out with losers because they offer nothing.
Winners want to spend time with other winners so they can accelerate their growth together. To hangout with winners create a strong brand for yourself.
Friendship with a loser will result in becoming a parent to a fully developed person.
Influential
Influence is power.
Humans are a social species. We know the structure, order, and power.
We enjoy having leaders. Kings, emperors, presidents, and councils dot our history like thosands of distant stars. Humans need to be aware of their social position since they identify with the standing.
A man who “knows like almost everyone” is more valued than the basement hermit hiding from the world like a crab avoiding predators.
There is power in numbers.
Think of the friend who knows the bouncer in the club. Both of you skip the hundred-long line and go right to the front door.
The friend who knows everyone at Google and gets you the job you were rejected from.
This person is a powerful friend. You need to strive to be this person too.
The more influence you have, the more other influential people want to meet you. Being the gateway of introduction to influential figures will put others in your debt.
Does Elon Musk want to meet you?
No, he doesn’t know you or know about you. If you have power, or mutual friends this changes.
Power isn’t a mystery. Power is in plain view yet most ignore it to rationalize their lack of power.
Does Elon Musk want to meet the president of Japan? Sure, that man can influence an entire country.
If you want valuable friends, become a valuable person.
4 comments
I like your style, man.
Great article Vincent. Brave, intelligent and influential are 3 fantastic traits to look out for when selecting friends.
I couldn’t agree more about not so speaking so much. Speaking too much about yourself with the wrong people can get you caught up.
Making few friends with people of golden virtues is worth more than many mediocre friends.
Solid article
A wise man keeps silent. When you open your mouth, you give everyone the chance to learn how little you know.