“I had begun to dislike my father. He was always angry about something. Wherever we went he got into arguments with people. But he didn’t appear to frighten most people; they often just stared at him, calmly, and he became more furious.”
Charles Bukowski – Ham on Rye
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Anger is the adult version of a child’s temper tantrum. The inability to control your emotions can only be an embarrassment, of which uncontrolled anger is the greatest embarrassment.
Those with true strength of body, mind, and spirit do not see strength in adult tantrums.
Anger can come from caring too much–care that brings pain to the self. It’s impossible to simultaneously not care and be angry about a thing.
Bukowski’s father cared too much about things others simply didn’t care about. This is why others would stare at him; they don’t care about winning an argument that has no reward.
Bukowski’s father pursued contests with no rewards. An individual should pursue the attainment of mastery progression in Body, Mind, and Spirit. Be hesitant to enter contests that do not contain rewards as they may still contain stakes.
Uncontrolled anger is toxic weakness. Too many people believe the lie that anger is strength. Anger can only be weakness.
Toxically weak individuals are dangerous. This is important to absorb.
Sometimes people will use anger to appear strong. The strong see the authenticity of anger–toxic weakness deserving no pity.
Bukowski’s father cared about things that didn’t matter, which means he had a reduced capacity to care about things that did matter.
The Stoic View of Anger
Both fathers of Stoicism, Marcus Aurelius and Seneca the Younger, wrote treatises on the folly and uselessness of anger.
In Meditations, great emperor Marcus Aurelius says: “How much more harmful are the consequences of anger than the circumstances that aroused them in us.”
This encapsulates Bukowski’s father and Bukowski’s disappointment in his father who could choose to be calm, but would rather embarrass himself before his community.
Seneca The Younger wrote an essay on anger called, On Anger, or De Ira, in Latin. Seneca Says: “No plague has cost the human race more. The great wars, the massacres of nations, the destruction of cities, are the work of anger.”
Seneca wrote this around 41 – 49 AD, 1,975 years ago. He knew then the destruction of anger. Over 1,975 years later, humanity still plagues itself with anger, the destroyer of human progress.
Advice for Dealing With Anger:
In On Anger, Seneca Writes, “The greatest remedy for anger is delay.”
Sometimes the best thing to do when you are angry is nothing. The term for this is meditation.
